Most people that know me on this site or know me from parties don’t realize the genesis I had to go threw to get to the point I am at today. In fact it took 4-5 different personality, emotional and physical journeys to get here. Today I’d like to share how I came to being an active BBW.

I wasn’t always the luscious 242lbs I am today, I once weighted in at 105lb and I was in my 20’s. However my thin body was due to a much darker side of my being. I had anorexia and exercise bulimia, I hardly ate and I was in 3 different dance classes and will at practicing daily till I thought my legs would break. It was never enough for me though; I kept pushing and pushing trying to be thinner.  I kept telling myself “I can be just as thin as the popular girls, maybe even thinner.” I was constantly told by girls at my school that I was fat, keep in mind these girls were size 0 and I on a good day was a size 4. I was a fatty in their eyes and I was not going to stay that way. This issue lasted 4 years till I started college, my freshmen year I jumped to 125 pound fitting a size 6 and I was the thinnest girl in my group. I loved being the thinnest however part of getting to that point caused me to become a woman that today I’d be ashamed to call myself. I was a grade A, certifiable, cold hearted bitch, and I know it. I cared about nothing else but what made me look good. Well one day that side of myself screwed up and I ended up in the hands of a man the beat ever drop of vanity and self-pride out of me, he was my ex-husband. I had met a bigger monster then I, he had mercy for no one including our twins who went to be with the Lord. He even nearly destroyed me at one point. My daughter was what saved me from spending the rest of my life as a human punching bag; she gave me a reason to live and a reason to run away. So one day when he was gone for several hours, I packed all me and the baby could carry and spirited ourselves away. This all happened back in early 2006.

At this point I had finally gotten my life back on track but now I was a whopping 267lbs and I hated it. I was depressed and miserable, no one wanted me and I felt totally alone. My life continued this way till about late 2007 when I met my second ex, sadly he left after 2 months of marriage. I married again in late 2008 but I got an annulment 6 weeks later, at this point I had lost hope of ever being happy with whom I was or ever finding love.  That didn’t change till about 3 maybe 4 weeks ago, when a friend of mine asked me to go with him to a BBW party so I could do research for my book. I found my nitch at that party, and learned that beauty is not a size but a state of mind. I’m still learning to love my curves but it’s a far cry better than being a sack of skin and bone with a black heart. As a BBW I’ve found acceptance, value and meaning to a part of myself I never thought I’d love. For me being a BBW is a great life, we are a tight knit community of woman and those who like us really, REALLY like us and can you blame them???? I have never met so many lovely woman in my life since joining our community, its like being in a plus size Sorority without the back biting and cat fights.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you check out my great new picture I will be taking in the next 3 weeks. Have a sexy day.